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It’s hard to imagine dating again after you go through a bitter divorce. You’re still angry, hurt and frustrated. But over time, those emotions will fade, and you’ll feel ready to jump back in the dating game. The biggest challenge is figuring out how to squeeze dating into the equation – and tell the kids.
Here are some tips for divorced dads who are trying to navigate the dating scene.
1. Talk to Your Kids about It
A lot of divorced dads make the mistake of not talking to their kids about dating. One day, they just bring home their new partner, and their kids are left feeling confused, hurt and even angry.
Dating is a personal decision, but it does affect your children. To be clear, you’re not asking your children for permission. You’re just keeping them in the loop, so they know what’s going on and aren’t blindsided by your new partner.
Remind your kids that they are the most important people in your life, but that you’d also like to have special friends that you can go to the movies and have fun with.
2. Take Things Slow
There’s no need to rush into dating again. Take things slow and move at your own pace. Divorced dads often have limited time with their children, so it may be some time before you finally give yourself permission to get back on the dating scene. That’s okay – there are no set rules as to when you should start dating again.
And if you’re finding yourself talking incessantly about your ex, it may be too soon for you to think about starting a new relationship.
3. Save Introductions for Serious Partners
Your children may want to know more about the people you’re dating – their name, what they look like and if they have kids. They may even want to meet some of your partners. But be careful of introducing the people you date to your children. And if your kids have no interest in meeting your new friends, respect their wishes.
Experts often recommend waiting for introductions until you’re dating someone exclusively. Children can easily get attached, so if you’re frequently introducing new partners and those partners leave shortly after, your kids may feel hurt and frustrated. It may also inadvertently give your children a negative impression of romantic relationships.
4. Date on Your Own Time
If it’s your weekend with the kids, don’t drop them off at your mother’s house so you can go out on a date. Doing this will only send the message that they aren’t important enough for your time.
5. Introduce Partners Carefully
If you’ve reached the point where you’re dating someone exclusively, keep the introduction short and low-key. The first meeting gives your kids a chance to assess your new partner, but it can also be overwhelming or intimidating.
Choose an unintimidating location for the meeting – your home is a great place – and keep it brief. Avoid pressuring your kids to like your partner, and vice versa.
6. Keep an Open Mind
Divorced dads have a tendency to date women with children, and it’s easy to see why. Women with children may be more likely to welcome your children and they’re less likely to be self-oriented. But it’s important to keep an open mind and remember that not all mothers are like this.
Don’t disregard a woman you’re interested in just because she isn’t a mother. She may wind up being great with your kids, and there’s the added benefit that no one else is competing for her attention.
If you’re a divorced dad just getting back into the dating world, take things slow, talk to your kids about it, be open minded and only introduce partners you’re serious about. Your kids will appreciate your respect for their feelings.